A (cigarette and ideal)

 Vague memory for years that these young characters gradually became clear.

forgot they were in one day learn to What kind of betrayal. Soon to have entered the adult world. Dressed in the morning, look in the mirror shrugged, light a cigarette. Is a kind of helplessness and confusion, or casual adult. Parents began to blame themselves for not smoking habits. Also vaguely remember it secretly in high school, his father left on the table, take out a few cigarettes, and then hid in his room trying to suck on a few mouthfuls. Parents and teachers will find themselves thought of smoking have become accustomed to criticism and blame when. Only feel the things of the past be forgotten quickly. New life will be more soon. Now sometimes feel overwhelmed. Have preferred a longer deal to escape responsibility and reality of practical ways. Not here with the beginning of conscious memory of the past and start from yesterday's own narcissism.

the sky was clear exception. It seems that every season are doing a lot of colorful dreams. Sometimes the street into a wonderful fantasy trip. Really want to leave school earlier. Bound to leave the days of wandering the same as fantasy. Perhaps a lifetime to experience it is impossible to experience life. Relative to the free indulgence in the time it is very clear, very natural.

along, I have a simple ideal. Is casually on a high school, and then casually with a university. When I used the time to achieve four years of junior high school that can be casually ideal for a high school on time. Simple ideal for casual after only three years on a university. Unfortunately, I was not the end of high school. To choose to leave the school. After three years on a casual ideal of a university can no longer become a reality. Perhaps the original decision to leave the school for many reasons. At that time I have a realistic idea. Is to give yourself a job, her work, and side of learning. I would like to spare time to complete self-examination. Most people try to take a considered impossible and the hard way. In order to make up for my junior high school, too proud and willful and led to a full four years spent in junior high school academic. I was also naive to think that I could spend two years to complete high school education. I always said to myself that the sentence is: My early psychological maturity it! I do not want to be parents from the school or the various constraints. Imagine the freedom of a unilateral its own way.

I dropped out, parents have repeatedly advised me to go back to school. But because of his opinionated. Own way after all to find their own path. Parents will not force me. Although I know their heart was sad. In those days my father became desperate Xizhe Yan barrel per day. Words are far fewer. Mothers are often in the room secretly tears. I need to worry a small, happy family at that time seem to have reached the brink of collapse. And I did not understand back. Only one for their own selfish reasons. One may never have an impossible dream.

That was my worst days, the most rebellious of the day. Later, the city in the province for my parents to find a job. Monthly income of 600 yuan. Also began his new life. Pursuit of looking for the true meaning of life is another. Into an independent society, which is sooner or later every person to do a thing. Although I was only 17 years old. Although before that I was living in the community family. But the overall feel was too young. Cognitive ability of society is too weak. Only a reverie. Have always felt that the scope is too small. Just a bookstore. Perhaps, out of school is really into the community. Since this has started a new life,UGG shoes, I believe I will spend my life time to run its course.

later, I finally quit working parents arranged for me. Try to start a person independent life. Employment, work, and busy with Self. And choose to pursue their own way. Because of their weak capacity of the start of practice. After a lot of bumps after the parents finally came to understand the care and thought. Also found many of their parents signed. Any of their own way again and again to get the parents to forgive. They did not blame what I mean. In their hearts forever greatest wish is to make me all the way! I would like to; time this way pain is inevitable. I will use my life to finish. It also has a lifetime to not be able to still finish my life's share of less considerate parents and filial piety. Perhaps, this is my life the greatest ideals. With this life but also because most of the ideal. Fame and fortune seems to have started to become no longer important. Can only wish that one day with his beloved woman, children, their parents and friends. I live a quiet life of leisure. Admit that he is an ordinary person. Can do is to use extraordinary heart,UGG boots, an extraordinary voice to the perception of life, calling life!

(City Diary)

2004 年 4 月 5th, sunny Untitled Allen

watch the sunset.

If you can, I will be with you. Put aside dreams of luxury. Now you came towards me. Even if there is no sea, as long as you like. I will be there for you to find. Do not care that one day will come apart. There is no sea, there is a gentle and beautiful river. Riparian willow drawn to the flood. We cling to watch the sunset. Look trickle. Sun shines on the river's whirlpool. Very stingy, very romantic.

Perhaps we are too young to be experiencing sad thing. But we met. When you met with selfish, I put on the frivolous. Frivolous case of the selfish, selfish, frivolous met. No one said, So bogged down. Finally, to not be addicted. Many years later, in a month, a day. We finally broke up. Everyone was saying: I imagine you a Listen to me when you finish the story not the words. You said I bring you the story of a strange heaviness. Our hands tightly together when pinched. I see you smile, but goes somewhat melancholy face. Beautiful! Like a lake in the sunset glow is your sorrow and melancholy. Gently holding your face, as if the entire reaction which caught a beautiful sunset. Maybe we do not need too early to think this way is not happy. This is already very pure, very beautiful feeling in the wind and rain has not been struck. We do not easily imagine it ending, do not dare imagine.

2004 年 6 月 19, sunny and cloudy no destination waiting for Allen

. This does not mean I do not want to be near you. While I know you now will pitch in the school. you are in a very serious look at history or geography test standard. you do the final sprint for the HKCEE. Maybe you had little interest in reading just waiting for me to appear. me, but sitting in a classroom of their own deep experience of the feeling of being alone.

no purpose to such a person sitting quietly. stationery with jasmine flavor write a sentimental poem. down on my name. as long as there is a chance, I'll give it to you. classroom very quiet, a person is absolutely quiet. June, the wind was gentle, like you. blow and moving the paper on the desk in the classroom. filled with the fragrance of ink.

need not only in this way is not the purpose of waiting, waiting until I feel a person is a painful thing. but also will know That day I rushed out from the cafe and then went to a hurry when the classroom. You waited too long and left because of feelings of loss.

the. It is because of the deterioration than durability. Finally, be a harm. . the pain will become less. That Could has changed to a feeling of gratification in the hot afternoon of fermentation. unforgiving heat. it is not concentrated yeast into a jar of wine is not short. make it hot for each of my cells. so sad soul struggling to escape the mood.

2004 年 6 月 24 日 sunny fall off a sister, brother and sister Lynn co-wrote

.... a person? Just like it. You deride me too it! I swear to heaven, oh. In the end you want to know what you Xiangshui it! (No angry, are not allowed to hit me, are not allowed to call me, seeing I was not allowed to use white.) Because I was telling the truth. But a word I often say: people laugh at me too crazy, I laugh others see through. I can now and a lot of girls love. But married life and my future is only one. This semester is transferred to our school. pm in our class. I spoke to her very compatibility. coexistence is also very happy. she knew many other girls do not have to understand things. In particular, emotional connection, she may be half genius. sometimes talk to her (passing notes), and the total number of words makes me sad. She might become a Qiong Yao, Baby Anne, like the writer, maybe not. She has a heart with the seasons. sad when can grab a cloud, but also can be turned into a rain cloud. happy, they can firmly reaction which caught the hint of sunset downhill. but she is definitely not what is being said: a very painful and her boyfriend. that man is called the East. she has there own diary written her letter to the East I see. there is also a picture of the East. I have never seen the East. But From the photos point of view, very handsome, very mature.

her one year older than me, but can not get along with our diaphragm. Instead, I have to I could have such a considerate sister happy for several days. In this lonely, lonely, poor day.

time, she pestered me to see my hard-diary. I said it was private. she said I do not have seen her diary. had no choice but to let her to see it. And when she put the diary back to me, is the next morning. diary last bit of the night and more so a few words:

When I read your journal and you write poetry after. My heart kind of sense of touch. Although it was not addressed to me. I share a different feel from the calm and rational perception of life. A person's thinking, with the reality that maybe different person, or very few similarities. Sometimes a strong look from the outside, things are highly competent for any man. Maybe his inner world and the hearts of almost fragile woman. Embarrassed to not even imagine. The happy man with the hope of life to love every inch of land with a single step. Night, a man's tears began to wind blowing. Men worry about the sad life of a connection between the fingers to a cigarette. song. You rely on my shoulder, listen to me this first amorous, recorded the story of the verses we read. face. openings. I finally feel your heart's share of oppression. you force the hair clinging to. like scratching should also like the scalp. for a long time and hand release. that feeling, let me down. maybe We did not need to say something. because of our own hearts are very clear. all know what each other wants?

I think it is because of love, but also because of his favorite girls every tear . chic, abjection. Lotte, sad, rain, sunny day. begin to turn into every man's role should be to put on. Nor is this. man's role, in particular, the role will be a sad man a little more. Sometimes I began slowly to blame themselves, blame their poverty, but also blame themselves too young and fragile shown. also found because of poverty, seems to have lost my true love's face and expression of the capacity.
< br> Maybe. there will be more meaningful to live. more enjoyably. but also will understand what a friend once in a lifetime. especially the weal and woe confidante. but also will cherish the edge. the sweet and hard-won happiness.

2004 年 6 月 25 日 yin and you have an appointment with Arlene

I know that even if we never met, I will wait for you to appear.

because I know that if you are, I will in the crowd to recognize you. The fate of the wilderness. May not have each other's clues. Just wind displacement,UGG boots clearance, like wandering seed. But my hands have a lot of time. Before becoming more and more in the old. Wait and meet you. Waiting for you to come as scheduled. But you do not miss the deadline must be before the death.

but thank God, he did not make me suffer by this wait. I now have to wait until you encounter after you fall in love with you. Thank you for loving me. I no longer lonely, no longer lonely. I'm the only only you mind one bit. But I do not know it now, can understand my mind.

Yesterday, brother told me that she can love a lot of girls. but he married into the hall, and the final only one. I think Columbia can be permanent (whole life) care of the girls must be very happy. because, like Columbia that have shown a disdain for what people. if he met the other half of his life, he must will love her, take good care of her. would not let her be any harm. she must be very happy.

In fact, I also very happy. because of the East to me. He loves me very much . in front of him, I would like a child. No matter what he would arrange for me. for me to buy breakfast, send me to school. after school to pick me up. When I do not know when to get a cold careless . He would call me while accidentally, while I went to town with a car on the street clinics. watching him worry for me, for me busy. I really think I was the happiest person in the world. Sometimes he like my parents. always constantly asked me to be paying attention in class. not a day cranky. not doing homework, truancy went out to play. if he knows. he would ignore me for days. And I like a wrong thing. and the children became public as to admit him. and then say a pass, such as said softly, I will be happy forever with him. So I bless brother. I wish my own. I wish yourself and the East always happy. has blessed my brother and future sister too are happy forever.

2004 年July 18 overcast with light rain poor parental love Allen

So I figured out enough of. I will be very serious to you last night and arranged things. Recently, I have not the right track, you are not afraid of whether I have the danger of transgression, so I choose to play a totally different game, you say that I 朽木不可雕也, no way, I shrugged my shoulders, I actually have no choice but. I am your helpless,bailey UGG boots, but also their frustration. Maybe I really same mistake again. Maybe I am too helpless.

perhaps this is really learned:

Because the school does not necessarily learn to make money. (Some might say what of the 5-digit money. Is not it? It is because you are rich. And I, I was penniless.)

Second: I have to have a viable long-term vision. (Because the parents want me to live according to conventional style, learning step by step. People in high school, I will have to high school. People start looking for work, I'll start to run around for the job. They can not contain the slightest I deviant thoughts. contradiction lies in the concept of two generations of a strong support. maybe wrong from here.)

Third: I want to get through some of my articles a little bit of royalties. Let the days of poverty, secure a temporary down. Again do not want their girlfriend's birthday gift to worry on his brow.

Fourth: I thought so I have the money later. I do what I want to do. Parents and all people who need help out of poverty circle. Of course, this goal from my reality too far away. Now only think about it.

So, I began to imagine a new life. In addition to reading, I can do? Also began to learn to patiently wait for a copy of every manuscript sent can have a good audio, the little bit of fantasy, between PCT PCT miss. I became silent. May not be called quiet, but should be called the sink. The lowest sunk in poverty. Waiting to come to a grass fungus lives Dodge light. Guidance I started to flee their homes and understand the poverty and loneliness. Maybe in another no one knows I am poor, lonely city. One day I will really become no longer lonely, no longer poor. Maybe some day, maybe I really can.

This may be a precursor to the beginning days of my betrayal. I did not notice at that time. Sixteen-year-old age. In the flowering season, the rainy season swaying. Maybe it will do is the most beautiful and most happy times. Perhaps because we were both too young. Between freedom and responsibility. Our freedom of choice without hesitation. Chosen relative to the age of indulgence and arrogance. There are many eager to Because this age we can not talk about responsibility. Because this age, we can betray the oath drawing near. Because this age, we can cry for the ages, for the years leading to absolute madness. come from, where the desire to go!)

this sentence is an essay written after class. that topic composition is entitled time. heart began to stir out. He wrote an article from the prose that can be. but do not know to listen to what the given it a name. excitedly took it to go to Costa Rica. so that he gave me Prose a name. Then it had a name. is pass through the sickle of death. It to fill the hole in my heart. Although he knows it will one day come. But they were afraid to wait. Because the waiting feel pain. Especially in the dark waiting. Precipitation as the memory will be like a dead fish float from the muddy water. Emitting a rotten smell. I feel suffocated. So, if he needs me, then let him catch me! also can not forget. because my wrist has forever left a pink scar. It is a lifetime of heartache.

under the sun that does not seem to matter little. Is there one day, reverse behave the way onto the feeling. heart and eyes to calm. and life, to my way, simple and fun!

2004 年 7 3rd Fine cloudy waiting for a man Arlene

However, this waiting is the love itself! like endless. and this life is already formatted my numb. brother told me today that he had found the first 17 years the root hair. I am speechless, just sneer. seems to be what I days bored, find someone to help me see if I have white hair. to prove that my frustration and sadness. sneer again!

often feel really ridiculous. So most of the time only prefer to stay alone. facing the sun, the football around the green. This lap around aimlessly walking. recalled occasionally miss or mr of today on the stage 讲了些什么. will think about Today, right now. Now East was doing. or look at the silver ring on a white circle. and then had to recall the good times and the East together. Imagine then what I and the East that the future of little hope. until sunset only twilight. my heartbroken people will all miss him, into the clear tears.

waiting for endless miles, and I was willing. for the love and endure any pain and suffering. I am speechless.

brother would probably laugh at me, right? laugh I always do on a less likely and persistent. I actually do not know why. Maybe I'm like a moth! even has been burned off the wings. But I still want to fly to him. once I think I just could not bear him. But now I know. I really love. I'm a fool, right?

2004 年July 15 clear words of parting Allen

Let me wandering around after a lot of girls, so I was back to her again to leave. .

silence, thinking, crying.

a smile, very short wash emaciated, or a smile can not hide the scars to live young. despite the erosion of time bit by bit. like, no regrets things. always like carved in birch in the name engraved on the forehead wrinkles. beautiful, very deep.

finally, the soul, or to leave the body. waft the soul to go to another city with the dim light of the Central. body very difficult journey home high in the hills. body seem to have lost balance of power, but not the hard work. did not understand anger. a young life full of color began to appear fuzzy. was in this spirit decided to get a The Great Escape day.

wandering outside in this season, and gradually learned a lot. Maybe the way we grow there are many. we were young, we have to for their own lives to draw a circle. rather than waiting for it life as we draw a circle. Self's personality seems to get publicity at that moment. your life where you draw the circle of life behave. Maybe you got a lot of things I do not get. admitted to a focus on high school, I spent four years admitted only a high school. And is reluctant to be admitted. Luck and a bit of kindness can give to me, so I rubbed a dangerous line after admission. themselves to find their own happiness. finally the last, my soul finally broke free body. started in my young life was dyed the color of betrayal. This will allow more and more people are beginning to show on our non- to understand. So, I chose to leave. not for anything else, just to go its own way.

Heart pain, but I appeared very cool.
stabbed in the heart of my hot tears

Hero

indulge in the season's first pot of gold flowing



still life season outside shaking

young, lonely, poor

freedom, pride and madness

thought planted in the season Rangers mature

warm pray in a foreign land

This journal is trivial few years the epitome of the young. there are still many young characters lost in the younger days. and some already burnt to ashes. Perhaps these few left not the best, but they are lucky. Perhaps, broken words and incomplete years, no one will say it is never perfect. but I believe there will be people like me think that was a beautiful years. Even Beauty hidden in shallow or deep, or regret.